Mrs. J woke us up bright and early and last night wasn’t much of a good night for me. Needed to take some Tylenol PM and get to sleep. I am not your issue for wanting to; do what has already crushed my soul and spirit. For my heart is too smoked out today. Based on the fact that we keep getting either locked in or out and roomies and even I talk to much. Which are all in tail things that even my parents have told me time time and again.
A sifter is better than a swifter in my deepest regards. For we are not wanting to be Taylor Made or Bucking-time Palace. An ornament for your adorned mailbox to open with a gift in which – he said / she said bullshit.
Today some of the guys told me some hurtful stories that I could only tell from their hearts. I never thought we all had to do what on the streets! While most of them are selfish and you can’t go back in the past. You can’t change things once they’ve been done – is that what you are telling me?
I have with my deepest regards; tried to help and learn and grow in my own individual way. Though; the violence in this situation is a grave bear to deal with – thinking I’d like to go to the Funeral Palace of graves again.
A private date since yesterday was a trip with these girls – in which do we even remember our age. I sure do remember how you talk; I remember how you we’re either kind or someone to stay away from. Or if that was something we should have stayed away from all together.
We all like to shop; at least to the best of my knowledge we all do. It may be a unanomous decision but we all have that one thing in particular that we could say we couldn’t go without. Then it faces us; and it’s as though that money we once had no longer exist.
With 1,012 comments from people mostly re-occuring guest. I would love to sit here all day and work on them one by one. I don’t find my blog or any of the blogs that have come before this a waste of time. I do find it heart wrenching to find that I miss so much of my past though look so forward to the past; while at the same time finding it uncomfortable at the present moment.
I can no longer blame others or my disorders here with Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder which moves so great along with Depression. I have however learned that the more you stay steditary in the moment with depression the worse it becomes.
I wasn’t fearful when I started this journey from my parents house. To make a complete loop; which has happened several times around. For the world does not revolve around me. God puts all things into motion; for I do not think it’s just gravitational forces that blind us.
“RIP “White Ford F150″ To Driving to one of these isn’t strange it is deranged to think a person of that stature would get away with all the dangers in the world.” – Johnna C. Floyd
Things I Have Bought
Money is easier spent than it ever is made. I wish for a way to make money; though in every way I feel that there is a guard rail of things in my way. I find that non of the schemes on Pinterest work. There is limited sources here in the group home especially without a way to get to a transportational system except that I have two feet that work. For that I have asked my “Real Dad” for shoes!
I have depended on my family most of my life and I can’t imagine living without them. Though for the last two to three years they have been seldom in my life. I am one to two years from my degree. While some have even told me that I would serve a consequence if I were to be found at work again.
My Vuse Solo is in need of cartridges as well as my JUUL Vape as well as my actual Vaporizer = a lot of money in nicotine… Going back now I think that was not so smart of a purchase and not stuff I just want to collect dust all over in nd my clear drawer.
My Planner; My Bible and an aray of Faith Happy Planner stickers. I don’t think I can just give and so in which I have; in a way in which I have become acustomed to. A person can only give so much of themselves. I grow each day though does it grow my heart harder to find the resentment and hardships of the knives driven in the back of my cloack.
Something I have done since I was 12; this is “No Game” anymore… You can’t just jackpot on the internet call another persons work yours and sit around the round table and profit – in the end we all find out who? what? when? where? and especially we can already begin to feel why?
So maybe I have gone further in my education than people have. I do not tend to brag; my parents had the best intentions for me and even I could not fullfill what their dreams for me were. Though; I will not be dragged down by especially that of week – mostly female hormonal gland problems. That which do not pertain to me and I am not to be blamed for laying in “MY” 2×4 twin bed and paying me Bills.
I have paid bills for the last year and a half. Though this is nothing of what I would have thought it would be. In a room full of three room-mates how dare you use another persons name to attain that unthinkable. While also following behind at a measurement of 2 ft though more like inches away.
However; this is a new year with new debts and new determinations. To simply rely on a man especially with an agenda that doesn’t match yours could be the death of you. I am called and placed in a place of whatever the heck this town of Fort Worth has called me. I am not in charge of my life; all the mean while God is in charge of mine. God will keep me safe in and out and through and in between. When I can see no other way; God sees all the way and keeps me safe and knows the way out. All I have to do is follow him and trust and believe. While not letting this all have effect especially as a sick patient; in which most of what these people are talking about is sick in the first place.
Bringing my finances and my mind into correction; in order to attain the last classes towards my degree and a seat at a company to where I can pay off my unfortunate demise. You will learn as you get older; you really don’t have friends nor are they collegues just people coming up from no where. To what pertains to me and my quirks as people wanting and wanting. Mostly anything we have; thanks for the comments mostly from these people. I would like to recieve as much help as possible; I wouldn’t come out and say I am a victim. Though I would say when desperate times have come they have come with desperate measures.
I don’t like to admit it but we all compare! When I compare myself to my roommates; I find that I came from a lot more. A better social class in my deepest regards. I was told I was mouthy growing up; though now I laugh the oldest woman in this room can not stop talking. She also violently talks about money in which we can not tell that which she exactly is talking about. The one about 4 years older than me; just needs to stop using my name. The one who I really don’t like following me; is sleeping and requires no immediate attention. While we all seem to struggle to keep our Nannie in the best of mindset possible.
They said I had a wedding but I can’t remember. Each one of us here mostly at the Center and even on the Streets haven’t and hoping wouldn’t ask for what these Sorority Death Row Sisters have asked for. No Beyonce & House Mom; I/We still can’t afford your tooth aches.
They said I had a Husband but I don’t remember. This is less fortunate than 50 First Dates with two of our favorite stars. The truth is really down to you; and I believe everyone is too their own opinion. I mean you wouldn’t just go up to someones face and do the imaginable. Or is that hoping for too much?!
I have been needing to find out what is mean; for what Reason. I am not as strong as I was when I was in my young teenage self. One of my Goals this year is too be Goal -E. I don’t need to sit here complain about my son and be unhappy because my family doesn’t want me around. I have my roommates to me; as well as the Haufbraughs T-shirt with a lot of Ribbed up Problems to sit and serve while still having fun. Then ask if the manager would like you video taping on your flashy little camera phone… These waitresses as they go close to death because of the people they surround themselves with. Not only are we “Intervention” I don’t think trillions of people are getting the help they are needing.
In my earlier Blogs; lifeasacollegemom.net to missing-alias.net I explored the sums of money that has come out of my personal; Hey! Wait Walmart’s Target hit my pocket to SSI and I am happy with whatever my cards have been dealt. Now I have to deal with them.
I need and want to make money but what I have been pin pointed too is; well that’s illegal and quite enough of your mouth to a PR and ADVT. In Order to talk to the people we need to and try to sell what we need to. Which is funny I’ve been asked to serve Alchi and ETC.; While so has my man and main Man so….
I spent that entire $100 on some of the coolest things I’ve wanted all year that I couldn’t afford. While I am happy for the Lord and My own Mannerisms have been there to guide my Spirit. In which my mothers book that she handed me is a nice present and it’s a Bible Study on Exodus – In which we learn about love. A nice way to tell me I’m not too loving.
I would like to be working though after you have seen that at your Register & Walking behind you at work. You would have the same problem – 2019 Goals – Any Ideas?
There are tons of ways to enjoy yourself; but there are tons of things I would rather be doing than being sick with this horrible cough. Watching Kardashians in our room with the roommates. After another long day of being at The Center. I hope my family and I get to spend a good amount of time together this holiday season.
Ready to have a positive balance in my bank account and able to buy Brandon’s Christmas and Birthday present. Monday is payday; and UTA isn’t taking the $50 out and I stopped Acorns. I got accepted to the mygreatlakes repayment plan so each monthly payment should be $0 for a while.
My laundry is still drying in the dryer. It’s nice to have a way to have nice clean clothes and the shower I was able to take about 2AM this morning due to being sick. Today I’d like to share with you some of what Big Ministries and my Bible Study has taught us.
GOD HAS A NEED FOR WHAT WE HAVE
Everyday we need to encourage ourselves and others to live to the best of our abilities. The Bible is the instruction book to life. It’s a sin to worry and we are too want for nothing. God is enough and is our great provider and it is all too his glory! “He always knows what we need; before we need it!”
We need to try to be soul saving… Evil hearted people only want lust and the pride of life. Desire for junk and materialism is one thing I am really trying to do my best at. I don’t want to get caught up in much of the worldly lifestyle again. We are renewed by the Holy Spirit! He gives us character and shows us how to communicate.
Hold on and he’ll turn the situation around. God already knows what is going to happen.
Why We Always Need Gods Grace
To do the best in life we have to learn how to balance life. Life is directed and affected by many things. The environment, our decisions, and our education. Most importantly transforming grace is directed by God. In His loving kindness towards us. We will never gain eternity by what WE are or do.
My Dad got me a pink cabelas small duffle bag last weekend when we went to Cabelas. So that was my gift for Black Friday. They are still in Mississippi and I’m sicker than a dog. With a deep congested cough and runny nose. I need to get a hold of my Medicare and find a DR. Lucky to have insurance at the moment.
This month I have hit my low bank account balance of -$31 by trying to use Acorns. I am however being resourceful and creative with the things I have bought or have been handed in the last two years. Oe of the hardest things for me ever to do is to be financially independent. Without depending too much on another person.
Budgetting In Survival Mode
Money is concrete and turning finances around is pretty simple. Caused problems; the more self-discipline is needed to make better habits and decisions. Know anserws to two questions… What Happened? & Why a I in this financial mess? The main objective is too live on less than you make for a long period of time.
Starting in January I am going to open a savings account: I have had one before using the company ING Direct. Though I had drained the account when I got kicked out of my parents house. Extra money goes towards building the small emergency fund. My goal is too have $500 saved up.
Knowing exactly what my income is and where it comes from. Not just income from work but also accounts for it all. To make sure every cent earned works to its advantage. The better hold on finances and nothing will come as a surprise.
Knowing all expenses when they are due and having less nasty surprises. Be organized & know what is due when.
Live Below Your Means: don’t live on credit and don’t purchase anything above means. An appearance of wealth and knowing you don’t deserve it. I am lucky for the amount of time I have been able to live off of SSI and my health care.
Pay off your most expensive debts first; know how much debt are casting you and what pays the expensive things first and evaluate debts which works out the most costly and eliminates first. Head towards Financial Freedom.
Invest in yourself
Making Money Blogging
Providing value and building trust by providing value to readers by providing quality and honest information. In the coming year I plan on really building upon this website and starting to make an income from it. I have read endless pieces over the topic. In which I keep notes about it in journals and notebooks. This has been a goal for the last 3 years.
Having The Passion; I have to find passion within myself to finding what makes me happy… In blogging and in life and in family.
It isn’t so much as what is lost as too what is gained. In life nothing is going to be “Perfect” though you have to learn to deal with life “the best” you can. I haven’t been to Mississippi with my Family to see my Grandmother in over 3 years. Dad and the rest of the family drove out there yesterday to celebrate the Thanksgiving Holiday with the family out in Mississippi.
This will be the second Thanksgiving I have spent at Mrs. Charnells group home. The environment is different than what I am used too. Though this time last year I wasn’t going to “The Adult Day Care Center” with my roommates. This year it has been nice having the roommates I have and is a new experience for me.
This Year I’m Thankful For
Having a bed and a room to stay in
My God and my quiet time and moments I can get to myself
My family even though we aren’t together like we used to be
Having my needs provided for
This blog and being able to know how to connect socially through PR and ADVT
Looking at the chance to finish my Degree
The Godly women who we have to look up too for guidance
Take care of yourself first before you can take care of others
Know what needs to be done and the right way to do it
Only get nosey to your own business
Don’t look too much into another persons life
Keep hanging on to the dream you already have and never give up
Life gets expensive though know in your heart you’ll make it
God will direct your step but you have to be patient and know how to listen to Him
Know when to step back from your family and not try to live through them
Arguing is not worth it; things will pass you just have to let them
Take care of yourself; this season two words Hygge and Self-Care
It’s better to work on what you’ve already been given; than try to take on other things and try to be more helpful than you can really be.
This site really needs some work and the work I have put in is still not enough to make me really satisfied with the results. I know there can be positive outcomes of working this kind of media online and heading toward my goal of Graduation in Mass Communications. Things don’t happen over night and their not going too. It really is no ones problem but my own and I have to have the determination to make things happen for myself and my family.
For the most part; I have done a good job at not making promises. I don’t try to get too involved because I don’t have time to sit around and be that hurt by things like I used too. I wasted a lot of time in my 20s trying to drown my pain from that kind of life. In which; I let a lot of people try to take advantage and control my life. Be yourself and let your true colors shine. The only one it matters too should be yourself and God. Be thankful; for everyone who is involved in your life and accept them as they are. Don’t be prideful or hurtful just because of bumping heads at times.
No one wants to hear threats or demeaning information from this problem. They can’t just walk into situations and I will get to the bottom of whatever I left behind in all these Science classes.
First you have to have the Problem – I appreciated every drop of college and I will be paying it back until the Day I Die. For tomorrow it will be die another day. I have a hypothesis and sweet heart that’s honestly just a textbook. How bout you get into some real work that worth it for you and everyone thats around. We didn’t come to class for that comment or commited?
Brought the flies to the trap paper in the first place. I realize the low amount of traffic I am getting from viewers from my site. Your business isn’t really any of my own. Today has been a good day & I’m thankful for getting my money. Yes mine. My dad brought me glasses today and I love them and my father in the first place.
If your father here on Earth loves you this/that much imagine how much your Father in Heaven will love you. We all get attitude problems from time to time. My watch is doing some really cool things and I deffinitly wouldn’t be the same person I am without the team work and people around me.
While my mom talks about dietary information I have kept with the same system pretty much.
For I am one person with a bio system too. Why what’s the question?!
When I went school shopping I didn’t ask for you to come with me. I remember special times I would be seen with my family shopping they didn’t have to attack or what feels like a personal attack. On a Senior on Senior Year or perhaps I didn’t study as hard as I possibly could.
From Prom to Prominade I don’t need the comments and a bunch of us don’t. Though how desperate some of us became for the correct + what are they still bugging?!
So therefore down with the Romeo skull I placed by the TV and gossip we heard. On too moving on to healthier and more fullfilling Fall things in life. For things fall into place in life.
Geography – learned from TV?! Location, Location, Location
My whole family has studied music. I was in band and choir and studied music at McNeese. I use to write lyrics almost everyday until my book got lost. I haven’t tried this art form in a while so bare with me. I use to play guitar and I’ve sung in a Christian Band in DeRidder. Thank you for all that have helped me on my musical journey.
I think you heard the poor girl sigh She couldn’t find anything in which she could rely The boy in the bathroom took in his breath Held in his chest and said it’d be the death
Bruises on thier bodies Temples have fallen That lady is still on the floor With bottle still crawlin
Towards their bitter demise With word in the skies They can’t learn to pronounce The scene which cost them the fallen
We had to guess about which ones to be around When we heard these silent whisper sound They can’t be together they can’t be apart Their story is twisted and it all paid a part to the fallen
Chorus: The Fallen charts off the wall The art the pictures they took it all They’re back again but this time worse Where was the evidence it was in her purse
When they had the chance to escape The enemy was standing at the gate As soon as they took their first step They we’re the fallen.
Relinquished in your lies Choices in your silent cries We’re trapped we thought we knew The truth that feels like we grew
We got trapped by the guard All it was was a shard We messed up when we called him A retard
He goes home and sits alone She acts as though she’s on the phone With a lover she once loved But we’re relinquished in all the lies
Chorus: How long do we have to take it Relinquished in all the lies How long are they going to fake it Hung up with all the ties
We wore we tore we lined em up Took the pictures and played duck goose When the game was over their tied the noose Handfuls of them can’t take it
Mirror images of the friend Proved she wasn’t a friend in the end at all I only admire you from afar after all his names Jafar She stood the test and in the mirror, she stood But They couldn’t relinquish the lies.
Is Love Begotten
Changes are there from where she fell in love The wings of eagles the feathers of doves The winds of gypsies the dust of witches Warnings came from above when she fell in love
One thing they knew as they passed on that train They promised each other they wouldn’t let their love run down the drain Their breadcrumbs we’re enough they longed for that touch That’s before it all crumbled into the ocean
They spent everyday together all summer by that ocean They promised eachother the name of the game Till it was all begotten love was simply begotten He sought after her and she sought after him
They both got the phone call they we’re missing Their families filed reports and belongs all sorts That was when love was begotten
Chorus: Love was begotten Love was begotten The future could be had The past was all that was found Yes it’s true love was begotten
They Warned Her
Sitting around and not doing anything What’s wrong girl think you can sing Think it’s fine with everything Or do you think it’s time to find that ring
We warned you once we warned you twice Those words you said we’re not very nice You can’t get a job you can’t buy your gas You’re last vehicle was your last
They warned you girl or did you not listen I guess now you’ll just be another sex kitten Roam the streets till they all fall down No one’s going with you they all sit around
They warned you girl you just couldn’t last The last person for money it’ll be your last In the end you’ll have to learn to let it past They let you slide and slip once next it’d be the chains
Thinking about you was or wasn’t a mistake I found you out and your bill wasn’t fake I think it’s time we held the stake The Fight will go on too bad for your tooth ache
I heard you and you even called Several times from an unknown number I think it’s funny how females balled Till you got so drunk you couldn’t remember
You blamed me for it You pushed me away These are the words it’s all I have to say Those weren’t ya’lls hits or ya’lls men Come on now lets let it begin
Welcome to college I lashed out The room was in disaster the board was too tall I couldn’t hold to your expectations I crawled and I needed more of my information than ya’ll
Chorus: I’m not sorrow I lashed out Though with or without you I pushed you down the drain I threw it all out and I played the game I’m not sorrow and I’m not sorry I lashed out.
These lyrics are copyrighted (C) do not take them you will be found out.
Faith – firm belief in something when there is not proof. Complete trust; something that is believed especially with strong conviction. (Webster Dictionary)
Trust is something I have and haven’t always been good at. We can learn to trust people more that we have gone through with people. The guy that drank up all my soda paid me back which was awsome.
My parents have faith in me the more I keep down the right road. My son has faith in me the more he has his mother around. Which my son just started school last Thursday. My boyfriend has more faith in me the more we talk and express to each other what we really need.
Though all all in all faith really takes a foundation of trust and who to believe in.
One Day At A Time
Faith is built over time. As a New Christian you may say you automatically believe though do you really? Maybe you are at that point in your life right now.
I have been a believer for over 10+ years. I have rededicated my life to Christ several times. Turned from the wrong paths time and time again. Made Christian friends then lost them though we are still friends on FB and social media.
You have to learn that waking up with Christ is a One Day At A Time Thing and has to be continuous. We make a decision to wake up with Christ and depend on him and be on His Side.
Walking Down The Road Together
Faith is confidence and trust in an unseen God. We have friends there to help us and communicate about what we don’t understand. We can walk down this road together by getting plugged in at Church of our local community.
Knowing we all struggle right now really helps and there is proof. Not knowing what to do next helps us find a mutual ground. We can lend each other a helping hand and seek each others guidance.
Somethings You Shouldn’t Have Faith In
Not all communities are good and clean there are some people you simply shouldn’t have faith in and need proof that aren’t good for you. Especially when they lie about you or put your reputation in jepordy.
Gypsies & Witchcraft and special topics especially pertaining to World of War. I don’t hate this topic and I do think about it from time to time but it isn’t something to entertain your mind with.
Anything that will drag you down. If it’s not meant for you it’s something you should dissmiss and leave alone. Only do things that are meant for you and your lifestyle.