Valentines Day & Growing Up

I have over 2,000 comments in the que & I haven’t started reading them all. With tomorrow Valentines day; my roommate Laura bought us valentines boxes. I have a gift for my son with temporary tattoos and a small red bear. I have also made a new friend at the center and enjoy his company.

My dad however, when I called him last night, was not too impressed with where my life is at the moment. He stated that “I would never make it out of this group home situation”. This will be the 2nd-3rd year I have been in this situation and there is no hope in going back home. Nor do I want to go home.

Having Self-Discipline

Doing things when you don’t want to or feeling like it. Things that are boring, hard, or frustrating. Reaching goals faster, aim higher, and accomplishing more.

1. Start With Smarter Habits – Building gradually a lifestyle change/s to create larger ones over time.

2. Being Consistent – Making changes to an everyday thing. Committing to the efforts of everyday.

3. Setting Yourself Up For Success Ahead of Time – Eat right, drink water, sleep, not treating yourself to mindless junk.

4. Rewards & Consequences – Cycle of achievement – for instance spending my February check on nice things.

5. Journey & Not The Destination – Habits to create a big lifestyle change or smaller ones.

I do however; want to go back to school and finish my 8 classes – I still have the 8 classes left to finish at either #UTA or #TexWes. I am on a differment for my payments to financial aid; there is no way I have the money for it right now. Hoping that soon I can go back and finish. It would also do good if I could get a job – though first I need a social security card. While still wanting to maintain this site and using it as a way to start making some income.

Got in a fight with the group home manager; and we have still to order glasses and I can’t see out of my right eye. I only have $1 in my bank account. With tomorrow Valentines day; I have a lot of nice jewelry and gifts coming to the house. I do remember how Dad would make each holiday a special one before I rebelled and made a mess of things.

Self-Love

An essential part of truly accepting yourself as you are. Having compassion for yourself and a deep appreciation and connection.

1. Don’t Compare Yourself To Others – Be more present in your own life and create your own life in beauty while taking care of yourself.

2. I Am Worth Loving – I am placed here to do amazing things; I don’t need to change for anyone or anything for only things that benefit me.

3. Have Fun – Love yourself enough to allow yourself; but not too much.

Have Boundaries – Say “No”

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3 WKS & Yet I Still Love

My Group Home mom Mrs. Charnel has been using my laptop for the last two to three weeks. So I have been unable to blog; which I find a blessing in and of itself. Last week on Monday I went to JPS and stayed for three days.

The lady in charge of the group home in this house and I got in a fight. I do not want to go into details but I did end up getting hurt. The lense to my glasses is broken off so I am only able to see out of my Left eye. Monday morning I was taken by Ambulance to the hospital.

As soon as my dad deposited my money in my account it was gone in a matter of days. Due to the fact I wanted to bet on things on Ebay. Most things I bought cost me about $2 for things such as rings, pearls, and I also bought some clothing.

There’s only about $5 in my account but I am waiting for all this nice stuff to come in. It’s been raining here today and I think for the most part it has been a good weekend to lay in bed and enjoy things I couldn’t otherwise.

My boyfriend and my roommates keep me company. I gave my parents a call earlier; mom wouldn’t talk to me, dad and I sat in silence, Brandon – my son – did bother but said “hey butthole” he’s been getting in trouble for cussing and acting up at school. While my two sisters won’t give me the time of day and I am limited to the things I can do right now.


Weekly Pins

It’s been a couple days since I wrote..
No more bugs down my throat – No I won’t do that some already look sketchy in which I have already sketched one in my cook book.

Though without further ado I do thank everyone one in life who has helped me out in life. At the moment; I really appreciate my Group Home Moms and my parents. I don’t like looking at a set up of what I used to do; and am quite offended by it. Though I am not looking for a fight and still feel like walking all over. That has to stop tonight; that walking all night. Though overall this is just a bad week. My sister gets married tomorrow.

I have gone walking almost everyday this week and I have found that is a better way of taking my stress out then profanities and disliking someone so much that Mother Teresa has a problem with us.

They can take this so far that they end up taking us too the pin- which the stubby pencil comes and goes from. Be careful before you ask people for things and try to take from others as well. I have spent almost $200 this month. Yet at the end of it I had to ask for Mrs. Charnel to pay for my medicine and she bought me a Starbucks S’mores Frap. I always thought I had good friend and people to help me and I am hoping they are for keep.

Thanks; that’s all I care to write for now…

I wish you wouldn’t try to take another blog that makes 6 already..

I wasn’t talking & I thought I noticed you. Who are you talking to?

Inside a human mind information is sacred; a loose mouth is worse than a loose sqrew. As a young lady most of us found out that is what we were to do. Is that appropriate? I do not want to lay in bed and do nothing. As my leisure and waste of time… Maybe go take a walk; though dad said not too walk long distance anymore.

My ruby and diamond ring came in; from my closest lover and lifelong friend. Waiting for my laundry to be done. Eating candy and crackers; knowing not what really goes beneath my veins or my skin crawling in the coldness. The things that lurk in the dark and I have been hoping for years these are gentle whispers that I am talking to.

“We weren’t talking to you people in the first place…” In a military home it is sometimes dangerous to talk to others that you don’t know. The same is true in every home you will go to especially if you came from a good family. Though as young teens we used to think we could talk to anyone without anything really bad happening. That is no longer the truth and no longer what I believe. I am hoping that however you believe in yourself; no matter how far the measures or season or amount of money has been displaced.

While Johnna just wanted to sit on her fathers front porch and amuse herself with music and other things she likes without sharing much until the birth of her first boy Brandon.

Though that is not what I can do and never will be able to again. Just sit in peace and silence and watch as this all happens. Listening to Twizted and my sister gets married Saturday; an event to miss & it isn’t my place to talk. That’s a personal opinion and I have a right to my own most of the time. I am depending on people I love the best I can and more than I have during most of my past.

I have invested in three pairs of sparkly pink and teal booty shorts and a silver shined crop with sleeves. To become another dancer on the streets; I am 31 and not decrepit and I still am hoping I have miles to go down the years of my life. It is not about them; it is about us… Here’s to the money we “” at the club PLUR and we ARE worth it. A 60 count of tattoos and two tounge rings that suction cup to your tongue off Ebay for reasonable prices. Say; for way cheaper than your mouth. 

 

All Night While Researching For More



Listening to the Radio; sitting here praying that God will make a way and move a miracle towards me finishing college. I thought I was going to be able to go to a new church since today is Sunday. Though lack of a recieved phone call yesterday and a lack of transportation and knowledge of the church I am without luck.
I stayed up all night last night scribbling in my notebook the articles I have found. I which I have found some great new articles facing the issues I am facing today. Including; communication for parents and cultural values. and 10 Habits of Highly Effective MaMa’s.
Though plagiarism is something I am really, really, really against. I have found some things to keep in mind for the coming year as we come to a close to January. Not everyone can be the perfect student and I am living proof. I am also not all that great at running a good balance in my FrostBank account all the time. Fortunately; these things are only a phone call away…

WITH A BIT OF LUCK; I was able to get about $80 in my account. Meanwhile; I am repaying UTA debt and getting ready to start paying my Great Lakes debt in the following years. While fighting to graduate after finishing the last 8 classes. Comparing the prices at UTA Vs. TX Wes. I am a PR & ADVT intended major and have tried hard to get my BA most of my life.

Today I Would Like To Talk About Culture

Every organization has a culture and a background. As you can tell from the pages I have provided I am proud of the work I have accomplished. While at the center not trying to rub work and other things in peoples faces.
  • Conversation
  • Meetings
  • Surveys
  • Vision Casting
  • Strategic Planning
Are included into what makes a culture of individuals co-inherent the same playing field. We work together, eat together, live together, and share together. In which from some Science class, I have failed and will have to take another one, We all share the same ecosystem.

Culture doesn’t happen by design it happens by default. I am glad for the classes I have done well in. At one time I had a 3.0 GPA which is down to a 2.3 GPA. I know with the power of God and having enough faith I will be able to accomplish what I set my mind out to do. Maybe; not everyone in a room or a house gets along but we were placed here to have a place to live, food to eat, and a bed to sleep on. Some may complain more than others; and some may be totally down for whatever.
  • Values
  • Priorities
  • Habits
  • Experiences
  • Atmosphere
  • Uniqueness
Are all things in which we have our own individual rights to. While also sharing and collaborating with others of a similar mindset. The other way I could look at school is that I will never fully accomplish this goal without having a good support system. Especially that from my family. I need my son, my first and only son, though through poor parenting patterns and decisions I am unable to. There are plenty of reasons I want to be a better mom and I am grateful my parents were their to take care of little Brandon. As a single mom who did not like the choice I had made and had to make the best of it.

Parenting Rules over Emotional Rules

As humans we are far from perfect; we develop our own clear vision for what we are trying to accomplish in our lives and what we do, I have learned, effects so many more than just ourselves. Although I no longer live with my family and am in a group home. I still long for Family Time Investments and To be a major part of my sons life. I also find that living here and going to the center on the week days. I have more of a reasonable amount of kids that look up to me.

Our family affects how we spend our money. That also in return labels who is actually in your family. Though we can not be bought out by money; we are a rate of interest of time, money, and attention. We have the right to voice an opinion in any given situation that is within reason and especially if that reason is too keep yourself safe.
  • Playing Games
  • Allowance
  • Having A Phone
  • Doing Chores
  • Education
  • Conversations
All pertain to things that withhold this powerful family structure. I have tried hard to follow from the leaders who have gone before me. My parents, teachers, as well as some of the people from the church, and bosses I have had along the way. In our own; we set the temperature of our family and environmental lifestyle.

I Left March of 2017 and Here I Am Today

If it wasn’t for SSI I would be on the streets. I have still not gotten the hang of making any money from this blog; in which I learn to do. Their are important conversations to have in order to anticipate family needs and the way in which we are prepared. Remember; People really look up to your family & if they don’t try improving your family atmosphere on a daily basis.

At the age of 31 I want to get into a good relationship. My sister is getting married next Saturday and plenty of friends on Facebook have their wedding photos shown all over their page. Though; I wouldn’t want to spend a lot on a wedding. I am wishful for a person that will show me true love. Instead of running them off and ending up with nothing in return from the person I wanted that love to reciprocate from.

I can never lock myself up again; that wasn’t the way to deal with it. I may not be doing what I want right now and diving deeper into poverty because of things like college debt. I still can hope that one day my True Parents help me and I can regain respect for myself and others. Thank you for every one of these comments – For I know life can get extremely hard. Don’t lose hope and always keep something to keep yourself occupied. I am allowed to help people & things; especially with a career and goals in PR & ADVT!

“Just Don’t Give Up!!!” – My Dad



When Things You Bought Take Over The Things You Like

We all like to shop; at least to the best of my knowledge we all do. It may be a unanomous decision but we all have that one thing in particular that we could say we couldn’t go without. Then it faces us; and it’s as though that money we once had no longer exist.

With 1,012 comments from people mostly re-occuring guest. I would love to sit here all day and work on them one by one. I don’t find my blog or any of the blogs that have come before this a waste of time. I do find it heart wrenching to find that I miss so much of my past though look so forward to the past; while at the same time finding it uncomfortable at the present moment.

I can no longer blame others or my disorders here with Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder which moves so great along with Depression. I have however learned that the more you stay steditary in the moment with depression the worse it becomes. 

I wasn’t fearful when I started this journey from my parents house. To make a complete loop; which has happened several times around. For the world does not revolve around me. God puts all things into motion; for I do not think it’s just gravitational forces that blind us.

“RIP “White Ford F150″ To Driving to one of these isn’t strange it is deranged to think a person of that stature would get away with all the dangers in the world.” – Johnna C. Floyd

Things I Have Bought 

Money is easier spent than it ever is made. I wish for a way to make money; though in every way I feel that there is a guard rail of things in my way. I find that non of the schemes on Pinterest work. There is limited sources here in the group home especially without a way to get to a transportational system except that I have two feet that work. For that I have asked my “Real Dad” for shoes!

I have depended on my family most of my life and I can’t imagine living without them. Though for the last two to three years they have been seldom in my life. I am one to two years from my degree. While some have even told me that I would serve a consequence if I were to be found at work again. 

My Vuse Solo is in need of cartridges as well as my JUUL Vape as well as my actual Vaporizer = a lot of money in nicotine… Going back now I think that was not so smart of a purchase and not stuff I just want to collect dust all over in nd my clear drawer. 

My Planner; My Bible and an aray of Faith Happy Planner stickers. I don’t think I can just give and so in which I have; in a way in which I have become acustomed to. A person can only give so much of themselves. I grow each day though does it grow my heart harder to find the resentment and hardships of the knives driven in the back of my cloack.

Something I have done since I was 12; this is “No Game” anymore… You can’t just jackpot on the internet call another persons work yours and sit around the round table and profit – in the end we all find out who? what? when? where? and especially we can already begin to feel why?

So maybe I have gone further in my education than people have. I do not tend to brag; my parents had the best intentions for me and even I could not fullfill what their dreams for me were. Though; I will not be dragged down by especially that of week – mostly female hormonal gland problems. That which do not pertain to me and I am not to be blamed for laying in “MY” 2×4 twin bed and paying me Bills. 

I have paid bills for the last year and a half. Though this is nothing of what I would have thought it would be. In a room full of three room-mates how dare you use another persons name to attain that unthinkable. While also following behind at a measurement of 2 ft though more like inches away. 

However; this is a new year with new debts and new determinations. To simply rely on a man especially with an agenda that doesn’t match yours could be the death of you. I am called and placed in a place of whatever the heck this town of Fort Worth has called me. I am not in charge of my life; all the mean while God is in charge of mine. God will keep me safe in and out and through and in between. When I can see no other way; God sees all the way and keeps me safe and knows the way out. All I have to do is follow him and trust and believe. While not letting this all have effect especially as a sick patient; in which most of what these people are talking about is sick in the first place. 

Bringing my finances and my mind into correction; in order to attain the last classes towards my degree and a seat at a company to where I can pay off my unfortunate demise. You will learn as you get older; you really don’t have friends nor are they collegues just people coming up from no where. To what pertains to me and my quirks as people wanting and wanting. Mostly anything we have; thanks for the comments mostly from these people. I would like to recieve as much help as possible; I wouldn’t come out and say I am a victim. Though I would say when desperate times have come they have come with desperate measures. 

I don’t like to admit it but we all compare! When I compare myself to my roommates; I find that I came from a lot more. A better social class in my deepest regards. I was told I was mouthy growing up; though now I laugh the oldest woman in this room can not stop talking. She also violently talks about money in which we can not tell that which she exactly is talking about. The one about 4 years older than me; just needs to stop using my name. The one who I really don’t like following me; is sleeping and requires no immediate attention. While we all seem to struggle to keep our Nannie in the best of mindset possible.

So I Sought

There are several things in lie that are the same. Each blog I have registered has not seen as much attention as this one. In return; I am grateful that readers like yourself can be entertained with the subject matter in which I inform others with.

Mostly rambling to myself and others for I came from UTA. Though I feel my heart drawing to Texas Wesleyan. For most of college; I have been using FAFSA and Student Loans…

Is this something shameful?! Or is it more too the fact that to all crimes links some sort of money. Although I am unable to watch TV and my roommate is Rapping in the Octave which sounds the best. Which for me that means she feels better and so do I.

There is more too life than money; I find that for money we find consequences and unfortunately sometimes of our own actions. Like the fact that cigarettes have an opposite effect especially on the person who was so Kind to buy them in the first place.

There is love; and in love I have more or less moved on past the painful pressures of being the Main Kyle’s Sweetheart for I am not made out for the tarts in which the queen of Spades made me a bit more of a mess than I am right now. With a new BOI and an angry mob which I sweetly; with my best efforts feel that I keep calm.

If I could only have woken up earlier; and done something…

What I Need Isn’t Yours


Away From Grasp

For now I am a 31; soon to be a 32 year old woman. I am not joking when I love to be the center of attention but not at any e’stake that this life may provide. For the last couple of weeks my mouth has been a mess of linguistically messed up anger. An artistic couple; my man and I look up too has gone through a transformation time of their life and things that were once there are no longer.

The Most I Have; to look upon on old friends is their social accounts though things are not always as they seem and to find out that people are hurting more than what is known makes me want to help them more than is even in my abilities. Another way that I get mad; I don’t think we know all the answers and we know what those before have taught.

It’s no longer the schooling that it was once before either. The Highlight of Kyle’s life of becoming the announcer of sports on a field that even I’m nervous of… To trash a Cheerleader and dance off that line of palms.

If I don’t get away from your grasp of wanting to have and be of my own. To be closer to him; after the years we have spent apart after Brandon was formed. From roommates, to strippers, to life on the streets, our families don’t always understand us but we all need to get to what is underneath. Us little women are bound for the streets; if we don’t listen to the things we are supposed to be doing and stop the arguing with the power of the people in charge. In which we have tried to find our escape though instead we found the best men in the world for us to be with.

There is no going back to living at my parents house; though this needs to stop you can’t ask for everything I/We have and expect the firecrackers found by the dollar store to not go off as you ask for hair spray in my hair to transpire to yours.





There are people that have worked since the age of 8 and I am one of them. I do not look around and see other peoples stuff as my own. I see God and I see that everything belongs to him; every stroke of my left and right arm to my left and right foot. For I didn’t join the Forces but bit on several bites of a G2 Force Pen – That comfort is gone.





It’s no longer sweetheart do you have anywhere to go. I realize by now; after watching most and all of my Christmas money washed down the drain from smoking devices just like the cigarettes our room seems to operate on. This isn’t even a normal amount this girl ask for. American Spirits – Next Time – I’ll Give You Nothing!





Don’t argue with me but accept the facts.




I Am Not Your Head Of House – I Am Know AAK 47

In everything; there is a competition though in everything you have a choice. I am self-employed at the moment and at the reasoning of momentum of speed the best thing I can do in advice is give you the silence of the lambs. It is not mine alone to attend the meetings of the match sticks.

I learned from videos though I think it would be a little different to voice that I learned from you. For their is more weight placed upon your shoulders if I follow you into the dark deep lagoon of the JUUL device no BOSS would allow me to smoke while working. Well of course not; as soon as you slip up their goes gravity.

Every choice cost and every article cost. We have to be careful and watch closely in everything we do especially as a PR worker. I am hoping I do not have to take Case Studies over again. I feel that I am only out for my best interest as though I could not finish the class at the mind set in which I was in. I do not want a lot of people getting in trouble for what I do though for what we do as a specific group and that isn’t always how it works.



Saturday Stable is Sitting

It’s what drives you further into being an Adult. It needed to happen after some time now. I have been able to go through what I went through; while it changes your thought patterns to Entertaining yourself should only cost you your own wallet; unless you think other-wards.

I did pay my $50; that is due to UTA monthly. I also ordered the IPSY Kit for $10 which is samples of makeup; straight to my door. Wondering if I want to re-dye my hair a fun color.

 

They may have called us Fashion Models; though all I’m even willing to admit I fit in with is wherever they have put me. To speak out; to this Half-Way home would be to leave. I can’t move home; that’s all I can do, move forward.

My Dad stated “They were going to get rid of my old stuff soon!” Another Environmental lifestyle; mostly enjoyed by my Man. Is One duffle bag; and that’s all they had to keep up with?! While mine was hardly things I could hold for long . A talk on lifestyles would be nice; as they wrap us up into what Hospitals and Hospice we belong in.

 

2019: Comfortably Numb

I remember when I was in my Junior year of High School I played soccer…
I was Goal-E & to what my mother knew I became so temperish… Though at that age I guess I was able to get away with it. A lesson was made that I most definitely learned from.

I am no where as to fit or ready to fight; fighting for what we each individually need. A lot of it was walking around seeing what people needed. While trying to fill a void in that area.

They aren’t bragging like my mind once went crazy over. To me it was something I didn’t want to face or even look at. When a guy I loved walked away to another Female on His list. I also didn’t realize; that everything you do actually does affect everyone else.

If we are able to help ourselves; we are able to help others.
Though some people have gone above and beyond at the extent of themselves. Some the less questioning the better.

There is no chance that if you hear such noises like I do; we’d agree more on common sense of knowledge. As a long time patient at several Mental Hospitals. I am not ready to say “We didn’t get the help we needed!”

We are the ones who choose what we want in life. Or for that we are mere victims in a world full of non-wanted wishes through the Sink. I am hoping one day; I’ll make it out of this Group Home.

It was freezing today at “The Center” with not too many people there. I feel like I should get rid of some things. I am not needing or wanting to spend that much anymore. Or sugar coat my parents; which has been a battle for a lot of people, I believe in myself I will find contentment of which even money can’t buy.

There are people that we can ask for; in order to get the help we all need.
Though you and I both know; that sometimes those phone calls just don’t get through.

This Year I’ll Be 32 – I want more Respect & That only comes from Me

For what I have put my friends and people through I am not exactly sorry though I am remorseful about the chance that each time someone dropped a talk for a talk there where a million more to go. A land full of exploring and one more science class to go. I am not the smartest student nor did I call my class stupid.

Though I will no longer take this torture; it isn’t my fault. Though when necessary I will stand up to what I need to and be a more protective person. Over myself and my son; and see my parents and unfortunately my son when I can – when I get that sweet chance. Even though Christmas I just went straight back to the group home.