Thank You & With Best Regards

At times I have looked to much into the past with pain in mind.
At the present with a take a small step and can I have mentality.

While now; in the future and futher moments I need to sit down and be appreciative of people around me who are trying to help me when even I painfully hid behind these disorders.

Watching the pregnancy pact; remember watching this movie first when it was just mom and I. I miss her; Today was presidents day – really wanted to see little Brandon and my mom. My dad is doing a lot of fishing – a long passionate family hobby. As well as my blogging I’ve done since I was about 12.

Dealing With Everything though not all at once… 

Money sucks right now and I’ve known it is only going to get worse, Looking up as much as I can on – budgetting. I still owe #UTA around $1500 for loans in spring of 18″ due to living situtations. Have to grow up to what I’m waking up to. 

I am glad to know i am a better worker and able to do good things in the future without homicidal and suicidal ideologies. In which I have had before and at the first part of this month.

You find people and find accomidations all around you. Though you really have to look hard for them. I have been going to the center for almost a year and a half while living here at the group home.

A Career – Being A Mom – Being A Girlfriend

I would however; like to give a thought on this Pregnancy Pact Movie. 
When I was younger I wasn’t lazy – then as I got into my 20s it was clubbing and being lazy with a little mix of TCC. After Brandon; I did go to TCC one more semester then to UTA. I did good for two years and am still hoping on graduating. 

I miss my son and I am glad that my mom is so good and close to him. I wasn’t patient enough and always asking my mom for help with him. I joined the MOPS group and went to Fielder single parenting groups.

I don’t really want to talk about being a girlfriend right now…
Though – I love you 

Starting My Bullet Journal Journey in 1..2..3..

I don’t like not being able to see out of one eye and it’ll be two more weeks till I can even order my glasses. Planning on getting a pair of regular and a pair of sunglasses from goggles4u.com for $20. Which wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t fighting for my place at this group home.

A new teal journal came in the mail last week and my new double banded diamond ring is around my neck with an old chain from a necklace that used to have a music charm on it was. Slowly I’ll recieve what I ordered from these sites. I also need to get a JUUL charger already and some more cartridges.

Helpful Bullet Journal Websites

100+ Bullet Journal Page Ideas To Organize Your Life

How to Start a Super Productive Bullet Journal

17 Lovely Ideas For Your Bullet Journal Monthly Spread To Organize Your Life

I like how these posted links worked out on here. Also repacked my small pink duffle bag for the center. I am going to try Minimalism! Trying to cut out unwanted cost and start living on a budget. I am trying to live the best way I can right now & I need to start getting out more.

Excited to get my 12 fine-liner colored pens & stencils! But wanted to start using the bullet journal anyways.

Seems this stuff I ordered is coming in slower than I thought. Next month I can’t order even half of what I did this month.

I Don’t Know Where I’d Rather Be

For the most part my roommates and I all get along. Except for annoying and hurtful behavior which is why we get SSI. I go to see my Doctor not this monday but next monday at MHMR homeless clinic on Lancaster.

I’m not getting to see my family like I’d like and I am really starting to miss my son. Though I don’t know how to deal with him that well. I wish I had stuff to plan and money to do things and a job to work.

For the most part though; I know I’m not as happy as I could be. Deffinitly something I need to work on. Through the tons of research and relating it to daily life. I would like to go back to school but I’m already in so much debt from College that I can’t see straight.

All Night While Researching For More



Listening to the Radio; sitting here praying that God will make a way and move a miracle towards me finishing college. I thought I was going to be able to go to a new church since today is Sunday. Though lack of a recieved phone call yesterday and a lack of transportation and knowledge of the church I am without luck.
I stayed up all night last night scribbling in my notebook the articles I have found. I which I have found some great new articles facing the issues I am facing today. Including; communication for parents and cultural values. and 10 Habits of Highly Effective MaMa’s.
Though plagiarism is something I am really, really, really against. I have found some things to keep in mind for the coming year as we come to a close to January. Not everyone can be the perfect student and I am living proof. I am also not all that great at running a good balance in my FrostBank account all the time. Fortunately; these things are only a phone call away…

WITH A BIT OF LUCK; I was able to get about $80 in my account. Meanwhile; I am repaying UTA debt and getting ready to start paying my Great Lakes debt in the following years. While fighting to graduate after finishing the last 8 classes. Comparing the prices at UTA Vs. TX Wes. I am a PR & ADVT intended major and have tried hard to get my BA most of my life.

Today I Would Like To Talk About Culture

Every organization has a culture and a background. As you can tell from the pages I have provided I am proud of the work I have accomplished. While at the center not trying to rub work and other things in peoples faces.
  • Conversation
  • Meetings
  • Surveys
  • Vision Casting
  • Strategic Planning
Are included into what makes a culture of individuals co-inherent the same playing field. We work together, eat together, live together, and share together. In which from some Science class, I have failed and will have to take another one, We all share the same ecosystem.

Culture doesn’t happen by design it happens by default. I am glad for the classes I have done well in. At one time I had a 3.0 GPA which is down to a 2.3 GPA. I know with the power of God and having enough faith I will be able to accomplish what I set my mind out to do. Maybe; not everyone in a room or a house gets along but we were placed here to have a place to live, food to eat, and a bed to sleep on. Some may complain more than others; and some may be totally down for whatever.
  • Values
  • Priorities
  • Habits
  • Experiences
  • Atmosphere
  • Uniqueness
Are all things in which we have our own individual rights to. While also sharing and collaborating with others of a similar mindset. The other way I could look at school is that I will never fully accomplish this goal without having a good support system. Especially that from my family. I need my son, my first and only son, though through poor parenting patterns and decisions I am unable to. There are plenty of reasons I want to be a better mom and I am grateful my parents were their to take care of little Brandon. As a single mom who did not like the choice I had made and had to make the best of it.

Parenting Rules over Emotional Rules

As humans we are far from perfect; we develop our own clear vision for what we are trying to accomplish in our lives and what we do, I have learned, effects so many more than just ourselves. Although I no longer live with my family and am in a group home. I still long for Family Time Investments and To be a major part of my sons life. I also find that living here and going to the center on the week days. I have more of a reasonable amount of kids that look up to me.

Our family affects how we spend our money. That also in return labels who is actually in your family. Though we can not be bought out by money; we are a rate of interest of time, money, and attention. We have the right to voice an opinion in any given situation that is within reason and especially if that reason is too keep yourself safe.
  • Playing Games
  • Allowance
  • Having A Phone
  • Doing Chores
  • Education
  • Conversations
All pertain to things that withhold this powerful family structure. I have tried hard to follow from the leaders who have gone before me. My parents, teachers, as well as some of the people from the church, and bosses I have had along the way. In our own; we set the temperature of our family and environmental lifestyle.

I Left March of 2017 and Here I Am Today

If it wasn’t for SSI I would be on the streets. I have still not gotten the hang of making any money from this blog; in which I learn to do. Their are important conversations to have in order to anticipate family needs and the way in which we are prepared. Remember; People really look up to your family & if they don’t try improving your family atmosphere on a daily basis.

At the age of 31 I want to get into a good relationship. My sister is getting married next Saturday and plenty of friends on Facebook have their wedding photos shown all over their page. Though; I wouldn’t want to spend a lot on a wedding. I am wishful for a person that will show me true love. Instead of running them off and ending up with nothing in return from the person I wanted that love to reciprocate from.

I can never lock myself up again; that wasn’t the way to deal with it. I may not be doing what I want right now and diving deeper into poverty because of things like college debt. I still can hope that one day my True Parents help me and I can regain respect for myself and others. Thank you for every one of these comments – For I know life can get extremely hard. Don’t lose hope and always keep something to keep yourself occupied. I am allowed to help people & things; especially with a career and goals in PR & ADVT!

“Just Don’t Give Up!!!” – My Dad



When Things You Bought Take Over The Things You Like

We all like to shop; at least to the best of my knowledge we all do. It may be a unanomous decision but we all have that one thing in particular that we could say we couldn’t go without. Then it faces us; and it’s as though that money we once had no longer exist.

With 1,012 comments from people mostly re-occuring guest. I would love to sit here all day and work on them one by one. I don’t find my blog or any of the blogs that have come before this a waste of time. I do find it heart wrenching to find that I miss so much of my past though look so forward to the past; while at the same time finding it uncomfortable at the present moment.

I can no longer blame others or my disorders here with Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder which moves so great along with Depression. I have however learned that the more you stay steditary in the moment with depression the worse it becomes. 

I wasn’t fearful when I started this journey from my parents house. To make a complete loop; which has happened several times around. For the world does not revolve around me. God puts all things into motion; for I do not think it’s just gravitational forces that blind us.

“RIP “White Ford F150″ To Driving to one of these isn’t strange it is deranged to think a person of that stature would get away with all the dangers in the world.” – Johnna C. Floyd

Things I Have Bought 

Money is easier spent than it ever is made. I wish for a way to make money; though in every way I feel that there is a guard rail of things in my way. I find that non of the schemes on Pinterest work. There is limited sources here in the group home especially without a way to get to a transportational system except that I have two feet that work. For that I have asked my “Real Dad” for shoes!

I have depended on my family most of my life and I can’t imagine living without them. Though for the last two to three years they have been seldom in my life. I am one to two years from my degree. While some have even told me that I would serve a consequence if I were to be found at work again. 

My Vuse Solo is in need of cartridges as well as my JUUL Vape as well as my actual Vaporizer = a lot of money in nicotine… Going back now I think that was not so smart of a purchase and not stuff I just want to collect dust all over in nd my clear drawer. 

My Planner; My Bible and an aray of Faith Happy Planner stickers. I don’t think I can just give and so in which I have; in a way in which I have become acustomed to. A person can only give so much of themselves. I grow each day though does it grow my heart harder to find the resentment and hardships of the knives driven in the back of my cloack.

Something I have done since I was 12; this is “No Game” anymore… You can’t just jackpot on the internet call another persons work yours and sit around the round table and profit – in the end we all find out who? what? when? where? and especially we can already begin to feel why?

So maybe I have gone further in my education than people have. I do not tend to brag; my parents had the best intentions for me and even I could not fullfill what their dreams for me were. Though; I will not be dragged down by especially that of week – mostly female hormonal gland problems. That which do not pertain to me and I am not to be blamed for laying in “MY” 2×4 twin bed and paying me Bills. 

I have paid bills for the last year and a half. Though this is nothing of what I would have thought it would be. In a room full of three room-mates how dare you use another persons name to attain that unthinkable. While also following behind at a measurement of 2 ft though more like inches away. 

However; this is a new year with new debts and new determinations. To simply rely on a man especially with an agenda that doesn’t match yours could be the death of you. I am called and placed in a place of whatever the heck this town of Fort Worth has called me. I am not in charge of my life; all the mean while God is in charge of mine. God will keep me safe in and out and through and in between. When I can see no other way; God sees all the way and keeps me safe and knows the way out. All I have to do is follow him and trust and believe. While not letting this all have effect especially as a sick patient; in which most of what these people are talking about is sick in the first place. 

Bringing my finances and my mind into correction; in order to attain the last classes towards my degree and a seat at a company to where I can pay off my unfortunate demise. You will learn as you get older; you really don’t have friends nor are they collegues just people coming up from no where. To what pertains to me and my quirks as people wanting and wanting. Mostly anything we have; thanks for the comments mostly from these people. I would like to recieve as much help as possible; I wouldn’t come out and say I am a victim. Though I would say when desperate times have come they have come with desperate measures. 

I don’t like to admit it but we all compare! When I compare myself to my roommates; I find that I came from a lot more. A better social class in my deepest regards. I was told I was mouthy growing up; though now I laugh the oldest woman in this room can not stop talking. She also violently talks about money in which we can not tell that which she exactly is talking about. The one about 4 years older than me; just needs to stop using my name. The one who I really don’t like following me; is sleeping and requires no immediate attention. While we all seem to struggle to keep our Nannie in the best of mindset possible.

Saturday Stable is Sitting

It’s what drives you further into being an Adult. It needed to happen after some time now. I have been able to go through what I went through; while it changes your thought patterns to Entertaining yourself should only cost you your own wallet; unless you think other-wards.

I did pay my $50; that is due to UTA monthly. I also ordered the IPSY Kit for $10 which is samples of makeup; straight to my door. Wondering if I want to re-dye my hair a fun color.

 

They may have called us Fashion Models; though all I’m even willing to admit I fit in with is wherever they have put me. To speak out; to this Half-Way home would be to leave. I can’t move home; that’s all I can do, move forward.

My Dad stated “They were going to get rid of my old stuff soon!” Another Environmental lifestyle; mostly enjoyed by my Man. Is One duffle bag; and that’s all they had to keep up with?! While mine was hardly things I could hold for long . A talk on lifestyles would be nice; as they wrap us up into what Hospitals and Hospice we belong in.

 

Don’t Pout To The Pen

Sitting in that cell he was able to talk to me the entire time.  Even to today; he is still talking to me it’s as though we fell for some sin and made something beautiful and then parted ways. Though maybe I am just crazy for imagining something amazing came from Dragons.

The same; Kuzz Baby from the pages of what came my written study notes. Came in Return the Dr. Notes which Dr. doesn’t just listen to anybody and at least that was what I was hoping in order to keep what I got. The Doctors have always tried to do the best they could for me and provide the best care my family and I could afford. The MHMR CLINIC in which i am needing to get transfered to a nicer clinic has been my monthly stop with my nanny for the last over a year and a half! 

HAPPY NEW YEARS
My life is about my God, My Son, My Parents, Me, My Education; and now I think it’s better to keep at a decent slowing down pace and start enjoying things more for I can escape depression and Mental Disorders aren’t all there is too blame. Though who wants to be a person of blame in the first place?

I don’t know what this new year is going to bring. Though I have good intentions but no plans. I have a lot left to payback to UTA; until I can even think about going back to school. You sure do talk BIG GAME! You do realize what your doing is further than what we’d like to admit to illegal so why are you walking off with an excuse (cop!?) of what is going to cost me $3,000. I am starting to see a cycle… Though I can’t see if this Group Home Environment is a good thing as far as a benefit or a waste of money.

My MAN is in a Group Home now; though the next day he was able to tell me he escaped. In which I have never seen him except for a blessing we made to begin with. For he is what Practical Magic!. Though seems I’ll never get to go home. Though several days after that; I walked all the way there. Which took me about 5 hours. I tend to exaggerate which I don’t think is lying. How dare that Cop Ask if I’m Bored.. While I just dissed this roommate for stalking my cigarettes. While I bought cigarette devices and still bought cigarettes. We are all different walks of life.

Bought a Pack of American Spirits; it was a pack of green ones with nicotine and water.

As a growing adult and more and more I mature to the rhythm of my own heart. For they have also taken poetry and sketchbooks and more of what I though I could have made some sort of money off of. Though who Am I too blame? For I am not WWE and I don’t know everything.

Nobody Like To Be A Friend Begotten or Was I Even A Choice

Honestly; Kuzz ever since we have started this relationship – I don’t know what you want. I don’t go randomly out or; has it only been the last couple days. I am a person and a PR writer; though a writter non the less. If you don’t like what people have to what then there really is no excuse but to walk away. Maybe you have put them in a bad situation. I’m Not Feeling Good?! Is that any reason to grappling hook take them away from a campus – For I will be scared of it the rest of my life. When all I really wanted to do is learn and keep a 3.0 when it went all the way down to a 2.5. In return a 20,000 debt – seems no one tells the truth anymore.

Though as they want more from their people; the more they will be tested to walk towards new world orders. No one is taking this lightly on anyone else. If you can’t handle The Real World Then obviously your oblivious to your obsessive heart and it may attack you since you seem to lose control over your own self.

It is not your selfie your not taking a photo of yourself with my boyfriend. I have taken my photos and I don’t think of people including mostly friends I have met in every situation and different backgrounds to be able to just be themselves. Nor am I the one who teaches that. – Thanks Germz

 

“But the same old salad made the same old lettuce can get extremely boring…extremely…” – Christy Floyd 🔜🎹☎️ http://www.muffinsandmozart.com 🎙😎👩‍💻 My Moms Great 🖤

Who are helping vs. hurting?!

I didn’t call my son yesterday on His birthday. I am hoping my family is not gone forever as my father has said. I have messed up a lot during life; as so many of us do!

The truth is Truancy is no normal feeling or is it a simple crime. Knowing when you’re not wanted around is one of the hardest things some people will even have to face. We need to take the time to look around us and realize that is more or less often than we wish in our hearts.

Thank You For Commenting:

I Am Thankful For All 789 Comments – Who are posting with a high rate of commision on their own terms and respectful workers and upper handed people to get and give comments to and from.

In Which I will always be grateful and benefit from.

My Happy Planner Stickers of Faith; came in and I decorated my Journalism Bible some more. As well as my Smart Watch; which is not staying on my wrist as I would like but is still a good watch overall.

To be taken out of school; as well as hard times with the folks. These two years have taught me life lessons I will never forget. I think life lessons are things that should cost more than college tuition. Though I should never have told my Dad I needed to learn them myself at the age of 16; when I graduated.

Focusing On Trafficking Rate

I have the faith that; I will eventually graduate College; one of these days. Even if that is a long way away. I am already in a lot of Financial loans; reading up on articles to find the right path. When the right path in life is God Alone!

Merry Christ-Mas

I owe an explanation as to what happened between my son and I. Now left with $38 due to my own desires and wishlist. While most of my people are walking around with a Witness list and Undiscovered Artifacts.

JUUL from Ebay $30

I’m needing to give what Tickets?!
Am I even your prideful of your business…
As you kick me out of Town to Town

Battle of who can be meaner. Those pictures of those “Skanks” – That I’m just not ready for. Meanwhile; I am needing more schooling. 8 more classes to be exact. To tell you what I can and can’t afford anymore is not a nice question to either one of us.

$14 Smart Watch from Ebay : Out Of Stock

I didn’t try to argue when I went home to be with “Son”! Which is not just; I know what your thinking… My Son, What you have done is Irreplaceable!

I don’t appologize for the dusting but I also don’t appologize for the sorted out fabuloso cleaned toilets. As I leave asking; this time Begging was unfathomable. My mom took me back to the Group Home & I am missing “Son”‘s Birthday. So Merry Christmas – I am not the HO HO HO + neither are any of my roommates.

What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done in your relationship? If you say ships I wonder if “Sail” will continue to complain. As to why I haven’t stood up proudly to my Sponsors. I love each one of these comments and they are helping me. The number one thing I learned at My Dad’s house is I’m not wanted around. So Today; Merry Christmas & It’s almost new years lets bring it out as a resolute scroll, not resolute disgrace.

Christmas ghost of past and future!!!!

 

What’s In My Bags & Carry On

I have been carrying my pink Cabela’s small duffel bag since last weekend when my Dad bought it. I am grateful to have a Dad that helps me out a lot. I am trying to keep my stuff as organized as possible and keep my things neat and orderly.

I have my black back pack, my black duffle bag, and my black carrier.

In my Pink Cabellas Duffel Bag

Top Pouch:

  • JUUL – I have Mango cartridges and have a charger in there; with my JUUL Charger that I had to buy seperately online from Ebay. Though mine doesn’t always smoke. I still have fun using it.
  • Cotton Candy Body Spray – clowns!
  • Pens, Sharpies, and Dry Erase Marker
  • Glitter and Jewels and Glue Sticks

Right Zipper Pouch:

  • Deck Of Cards
  • TI Pink Calculator
  • Scissors
  • Hand Sanitizer
  • Mini Ash Tray
  • Mini Glass Spoon

Left Zipper Pouch:

  • Sewing Kit
  • Flash Light
  • Hemp Lotion

Peggybuy.com

Front Pouch:

  • Small Bottles of Essense
  • Tampons
  • Brush
  • Argan Oil, Tea Tree Oil, Cocunut Oil, and Olive Oil
  • Razor
  • Deoderant
  • Crest Toothpaste and Toothbrush
  • Fixodent & Poligrip for my dentures
  • An old tic tac box full of hair bands

Inside Front Pouch (Where I Keep My Make-Up)

  • Concealer Kit
  • Smashbox Eyeshadow
  • Benefit California Blush
  • Contour Palette
  • L’oreal True Match Concealer
  • Dior Lipgloss
  • Eyeliner & Mascara
  • Brow Gel

ST.Uck In Red & Tissues

I have finally gotten my anger adjusted; yes I have Bipolar Disorder. I can get really upset … almost to a ticking time bomb. After all we wanted a simple bath bomb and you know what we had the right ingredients to make it. Unfortunately that money isn’t for you and you know it. Meanwhile that body isn’t for you and you know it. Though God and I both love you and what we have been trying to stand for. 

First ask it … If it hits that Target <app> Market. In which it’s your fault for walking up to my register in the first place and whatever happens to you happens. I was trouble the moment I walked into this Dog Town. Don’t bring the cheerleader; whos name is faith into the story at all. At least not into my story. After all it’s my story and I can leave it the way I like it and I have the right to accept it or not. 

It mostly can’t have a normal conversation; while looking at dead bodies in beds that are about the size of cots that cost about $675 a month. Or I could be in the mission with fear that my Laptop and my things would be stolen again this year like they we’re last year. In which; you have to admit you did help with me walking off. From my son and my truck my father gave me. Though as much as we want to blame God. We both know it went deeper than that.

Well suck it up that’s being an adult. I wouldn’t have made it this far without Gods help. Ever since about three weeks in Millwood last year I have been in this Group Home. I am trying to get last Christmas and Starting of this wasted pricey Spring Semester out of my mind.

You don’t come back to it after it has written things like lifeasacollegemom.net or myapatheticheart.net <Mine>. Mostly; wierd things have happened to my blogs as I have grown and continued to write my blog/s on almost a daily basis.  

 

Now our job is too understand these <Crooks> If we really want this oil Dr. Ink is <Timely> talking about! Something in which my heart just couldn’t permit me to get into. I know my parents really don’t want to help me with this costly problem and I’m hoping they will be and understand. 

It is quite easy for any female fatality to open its doors and open its chat book and march away. The damn penguins didn’t have to follow me. They wanted attention from things they didn’t do in the first place. Where it’s already an establishment in which you get credit for what you have worked on. Not on what you have or who you are associated with at least that was always in the back of my Christian Ideology. That God was always wanting more from us than we could even understand.

I’m questioning to DeRidder #5 “Are They” That ungrateful. That cotton picking B* just knocked over and pushed me even off this bed. Now I am here questioning if that’s even legal. Something I don’t have to deal that many cards or restraunt job pieces too. While I have with my own two hands and feet. What do you mean? Fought Three Times & She’s Too Small Too Fight?! If it was something that I felt strongly about then I have every right too. 



Trust built the foundation; I am not trying to break what I have worked so hard to build. Then why God did I run away from my responsibilities in the first place?! I have had choices, consequences, and rights all in which at 30-31 have made up my own pattern to the lifestyle I am going to live. Even when others; are less than encouraging as it nears another holiday Thanksgiving. Which I’m hoping my Family is still thankful for me. As it is in a half-way home I am blessed beyond compare. Now is the time I just need to trust especially that which my Father “Kurt Floyd” has told me “Until the Day I Die”.